‘Sh!t just got surreal’

Septic Man is a 2013 Canadian horror film directed by Jesse Thomas Cook (Scarce; Monster Brawl) from a screenplay by Tony Burgess (Pontypool). It stars Jason David Brown, Molly Dunsworth (Hobo with a Shotgun), Tim Burd (Saw 2 and 3), Robert Maillet (Pacific Rim), Julian Richings (Survival of the Dead), Stephen McHattie.

Plot teaser:

Jack (Jason David Brown) is an average sewage worker who has been asked to investigate a water contamination in his hometown that has forced everyone else, including his pregnant wife Shelley (Molly Dunsworth), to evacuate. He decides to investigate the local sewage plant but ends up getting trapped in a septic tank by Lord Auch (Tim Burd) and his brother Giant (Robert Maillet). They refuse to let Jack out despite his pleas and the toxic sewage eventually begins to transform Jack into the hideous mutant Septic Man…

Reviews:

“Some might be put off by its seemingly nonsensical narrative and distinct lack of a straightforward plot, but with solid performances from Maillet, Richings, and Burd, a pulsing yet ambient score by Nate Kreiswirth, exceptional special effects, and, of course, Burgess’s tendency to keep you thinking long after the credits roll, Cook’s Septic Man is destined to be a divisive yet damned intriguing film.” Brad McHargue, Dread Central

“Burgess and Cook’s decision to not let their monster roam free leaves SEPTIC MAN spinning wheels. The movie rarely goes anywhere. If there’s an underlying social commentary about the crap the working class must take, it’s not clear, and Stephen McHattie’s televised cameos as a seedy mayor feels superfluous—more a fun acting choice than larger point. When Septic Man begins to accept his fate as something transformed, shouting cult-ready proclamations, it all feels unearned.” Samuel Zimmerman, Fangoria

“Even at a mere 82 minutes it felt padded (complete with unexplained precognitive dream scenes), and (spoiler) the script doesn’t even go through with the full on tragic ending, opting for something that seems to be setting up a sequel (or positioning itself as a stealth prequel to The Toxic Avenger) instead. On the plus side, Jack’s makeup is terrific; he’s completely covered in a mostly practical design aided by some minor CGI flourishes, with a few stages of deterioration like any good monster movie of this sort (The Fly being the benchmark). Brian Collins, Badass Digest

Filming locations:

Collingwood, Ontario, Canada

Wikipedia | IMDb

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For Elisa (original Spanish title: Para Elisa) is a 2013 Spanish horror film directed and written by Juanra Fernández,, and stars Ana Turpin, Ona Casamiquela, and Luisa Gavasa . The film’s name is a take on the Beethoven composition Für Elise.

Plot Teaser

When college student Ana (Ona Casamiquela) agrees to work as a careworker for the mentally challenged Elisa (Ana Turpin), she initially sees it as just a way to pay for a post-graduation trip. Ana sets about her job, as she doesn’t believe Elisa is too overly difficult to care for, only to soon realize that Elisa’s overbearing mother Diamantina (Luisa Gavasa) is more than just an eccentric and wealthy matron. Diamantina is also mentally unstable and kidnaps Ana with the intention of keeping her in the house forever…

Filming for Para Elisa took place during August 2012 in Cuenca, Spain.

Buy For Elisa on DVD from Amazon.co.uk

Reviews

“When the violence happens, judicious cutting saves us from witnessing the full gory details, but the foley artist’s effects take no prisoners, making the stomach turn with shocks that are much more effective through implication. Throughout Ana’s ordeal, the claustrophobic atmosphere of the apartment interior is expertly rendered by effective lighting design and a brilliant musical score by Pascual Vasquez.” Horror Hot House

“For Elisa should have been a modern masterpiece and a great throwback to classic horror. Instead, it is an utter disappointment that retroactively spoils a good setup and will leave you frustrated at just how unoriginal it is. It’s not a film that lingers in the mind for very long, which is probably for the best.” BloodGuts

“For Elisa is beautifully shot with camera angles and lighting techniques that conjure memories of suspenseful works of the 1970s. The aesthetics are absolutely amazing, as each shot is crystal clear and respectfully artsy. You don’t require an IQ of 150 to understand the intricacies of the filming process, but you can see that a blueprint was developed for the shoot.” Addicted to Horror Movies

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Poseidon Rex is a 2013 American sci-fi horror film directed by Mark L. Lester (Class of 1984; Firestarter). It stars Brian Krause, Anne McDaniels and Steven Helmkamp.

Plot teaser:

A small, secluded island off the coast of Belize suddenly finds itself terrorized by a deadly predator from the planet’s distant past when deep sea divers accidentally awaken an ancient evil…

Buy Poseidon Rex on DVD from Amazon.co.uk

“The often inane screenplay, by frequent Lester collaborator Rafael Jordan (Dragons of Camelot, Pterodactyl), vaguely recognizable cast struggling to make the script seem intelligible and strictly functional cinematography betray the movie’s most earnest intentions, however. Lacking sufficient self-parody to entertain as a campy monster-movie spoof or the budget to thrill as action-adventure or sci-fi, much like the creature it depicts, Poseidon Rex represents a throwback that even its own distributor can’t really get behind.” Justin Lowe, The Hollywood Reporter

“I have seen numerous films in this current, decade-long wave of cheap monster movies – from Sharknado to Spring Break Shark Attack to Megalodon – andPoseidon Rex, by measuring against its peers, stands a mite taller. It’s not a hidden gem by any means, but it has a slickness and a professionalism that is certainly lacking from the relatively snarky Sharknado or the even-cheaper mockbusters produced by The Asylum. One can always tell if the makers of a B-movie are sincere about making an entertaining film, or if they’re just being cynical. The makers of Poseidon Rex clearly meant it.” Witney Seibold, Nerdist

“The action sequences are nonsensical and cheesy, as expected, but Poseidon Rex fails to get even remotely creative with its kills, which greatly damages the final product and the primary reason most people will watch the movie. Most would be willing to endure unbearable dialogue and a groan inducing love story for a few spectacularly silly dinosaur kills, but we are deprived of such.” Cliff Wheatley, IGN

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Wer (also known as Kurt) is a 2013 American horror film directed by William Brent Bell (Stay Alive; The Devil Inside) from a screenplay co-written with Matthew Peterman. It stars A.J. Cook (Wishmaster 3; Ripper; Final Destination 2), Brian Scott O’Connor, Simon Quarterman, Sebastian Roché (Supernatural; The Vampire Diaries), Vik Sahay.

A US release on DVD is slated for September 23, 2014.

Plot teaser:

Defense attorney Kate (A.J. Cook) is called to defend the creepy, yet gentle, Talan (Brian Scott O’Connor) after he is charged with the murders of a vacationing family. She soon learns that he is a werewolf and that he may have been all too capable of the slayings. Things take a turn for the worse when Talan escapes from his imprisonment and runs loose through the city of Paris…

Filming location:

Bucharest, Romania

Wikipedia | IMDb

‘Hell is hungry.’

The Demon’s Rook is a 2013 American horror film directed by James Sizemore (Goat Witch) from a screenplay by Sizemore and Akom Tidwell for Tribeca Film. It stars James Sizemore, Ashleigh Jo Sizemore, Josh Gould, Melanie Richardson, John Chatham, Sadé Smith, and Dustin Dorough.

The Demon’s Rook will be available on VOD platforms from September 30, 2014.

Plot teaser:

A young boy named Roscoe finds a portal to another world where he is taught magic by an elder demon known as Dimwos. Dimwos raises the boy into manhood, revealing to him many secrets… Although there is one dark secret that Dimwos keeps from Roscoe. When Roscoe discovers what his master has been keeping from him all these years, he revolts against him, inadvertently unleashing three malevolent demons. Through desperation, Roscoe is forced to escape the demons’ wrath by way of the portal leading back to our world. Unbeknownst to Roscoe, he leads the demons to discover the portal for themselves. The demons pass through, and a nightmarish foray of summoned monsters are unleashed…

Reviews:

“The Demon’s Rook’s heart and earnest spirit override any limitation. Frankly rougher aspects like performance give away to imagination and positivity. While happy to gleefully revel in practical FX and gory spatter, the film will not wallow in it.” Samuel Zimmerman, Fangoria

“All the performers, Sizemore, Ashleigh Jo Sizemore as Eva, and all the supporting cast put their heart and souls into it; they match their acting to the style and level of the film without making light or fun of it. This is a rare and great case of a labour of love that is incredible accomplished, without falling into the usual traps of DIY filmmaking. There is great time and care in this film, and above all, great fun. So sit back, relax (spliff optional) and enjoy what is sure to become a classic.” Shelagh M. Rowan-Legg, Twitch

“ …gut-flinging monster mash that you won’t soon forget.” Dread Central

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The Harvest is a 2014 horror film directed by John McNaughton (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer; The Borrower) from a screenplay by Stephen Lancellotti (Digger) for Elephant Eye Films. It stars Samantha Morton, Michael Shannon, Natasha Calis, Charlie Tahan, Peter Fonda, Leslie Lyles, Meadow Williams.

Plot teaser:

A couple who keeps their sick son in a secluded environment find their controlled lives challenged by a young girl who moves in next door.

Reviews:

” …an eccentric, character-rich chiller more akin to classic Stephen King (think Stand by Me) than anything being done in horror these days … Adding to the film’s refreshingly timeless quality is a series of old-fashioned decisions that serve to set the tone, as McNaughton insists on shooting on celluloid, ordering a full orchestral score and working with first-rate actors instead of expendable nobodies.” Peter Debruge, Variety

“While there are several standout moments in the film, it’s constantly marred by an underwhelming screenplay that has a few too many inconsistencies to support the development of tension or believability. The insistent need for extravagant twists undermines the logic of the narrative, something unnecessary here considering the intensity of the performances.” Nicholas Bell, ION Cinema!

Filming locations:

New York, USA

IMDb | Official site

Not Human aka Omnibus: Alien Invasion is a 2013 American sci-fi horror film directed by Adam R. Steigert. It stars Jason John Beebe, Robert Bozek and Bill Brown.

Not Human is being released on VOD on September 9, 2014 with the DVD/Blu-ray release in December 2014.

Plot teaser:

Metzburgh is a quiet village which was a former industrial town whose glory days are long past after the collapse of Metzburgh Grain. Teenager Mark Lowe (Jason John Beebe) and his ex-girlfriend Lucy Greenheart (Sarah Manzella) are stuck in a lovers quarrel when a meteorite crash lands in the passive community. Glen (Robert Bozek ), an ex-employee of the grain silos who became homeless after the collapse of the mills, stumbles upon the fiery crash. Unaware that his find could be dangerous, he gets too close and a chemical poison sprays out of the meteorite, enveloping him. The chemical agent known as Ombis begins to turn his insides into a slimly substance. Unable to stop the spread of the infection, Glen runs onto the road where Mark and Lucy find him. The two take him to the only Doctor in town, Doctor D (Deborah Manzella) Mark and Lucy are shocked by their gruesome discovery and immediately contact the local Sheriff Thomas Brackett (Richard Satterwhite) who is on a date with a lovely waitress Daisy (Kathy Murphy). With their date being interrupted, they aid the traumatized love birds. With no sign of the creature or its victims, Brackett dismisses Mark’s fantastic story…

Army of the Damned is a 2013 American horror film written and directed by Tom DeNucci (Self Storage; Almost Mercy). It stars Sully Erna (from metal band Gobsmack), Tony Todd, Michael Berryman, former porn queen Jasmin St. Claire, David Chokachi, Joey Fatone, Jackie Moore, Madeline Merritt, Nick Principe, Maria Kanellis, David Gere, Julie Ann Dawson.

Plot teaser:

The filming of a hit reality TV show goes horribly wrong when a group of small town cops respond to a call that brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, domestic disturbance…

Reviews:

“Army of the Damned is a great sophomoric effort from director Tom DeNucci. The film starts off as an atmospheric suspense-filled horror film and transitions into an all out action film, complete with tons of bullets and a large death count.  Army of the Damned is not without it flaws however,  the use of the singular location for all the action scenes and the lackluster use of Tony Todd hurt the  film, but that in no significant way ruined my enjoyment of this highly entertaining flick.” Morbidly Amusing

“Writer/director Tom DeNucci assuredly asserts himself as a horror fan through a nostalgic script full of cheeky references and the cameo casting of famous genre faces, but in doing so,Army Of The Damned becomes a low-budget, cliché ridden, copycat title deader than Fatone’s singing career. Shooting for B-Movie glory, DeNucci makes too many fatal mistakes that horror fans simply won’t stomach, relying on an overabundance of unfunny comedy and gratuitous gore – without establishing any resemblance of horror.” Matt Donato, We Got This Covered

“Another positive aspect of the film is the 80′s horror vibe given off throughout the film, which DeNucci captured very well. Given its solitary location, he also made good use of it without having that singular location feel to it. Another nod should go out to the director because of what he did with this cast of characters including professional wrestlers (Tommy Dreamer, Thea Trinidad, Maria Kanellis, et al), a rock star (Sully Erna), a former pop star (Joey Fatone) and an adult star.” Wicked Channel

 Buy on DVD from Amazon.co.uk

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Buy Army of the Damned + Croczilla on DVD from Amazon.com

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Slew Hampshire is a 2013 American horror film directed by Flood Reed and starring Dayo Okeniyi, Shawn Thomas, and Tyler Rice.

The film was recognized for containing the “Goriest Scene” of the year in Rue Morgue Magazine’s 2013 Year in Review (Issue #141).

Plot Teaser

In June of 1994, one of the most brutal mass slaughters in history occurred in the woods of northern New England. Four months later, history is about to repeat itself. What begins as a humorous comedy of errors quickly becomes a Darwinian gore fest, and what unfolds is a cerebral yet repulsive journey through the history and nature of humanity and ‘civilization.’ With four distinct clans vying for supremacy and survival in the woods of New Hampshire, less than 24 hours will pass before a slew of lives have been claimed and the last of the living remains. Slew Hampshire: Live Free or DIE…

Review

“It’s a unique movie that you won’t feel unfamiliar with, and that’s just one of its many tricks. Slew Hampshire actually requires you to think about it after its done, and how often does that happen with movies that essentially show themselves to be shlock horror? This is shlock, exploitation, creature feature, teen comedy and Darwinism, all trapped in the middle of the woods. So basically – fun, a little confusing and reeks of filth.” Film Bizarro

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Lemon Tree Passage is a 2013 Australian horror film directed by David Campbell from a screenplay he co-wrote with Erica Brien. It stars Jessica Tovey, Nicholas Gunn, Pippa Black, Tim Phillipps, Andrew Ryan, Tim Pocock, Piera Forde and Dean Kirkright.

Plot teaser:

When a group of young backpackers learn of a ghost said to appear in the rear-view mirror of a speeding car they set out to recreate it with the help of some locals. After speeding down Lemon Tree Passage, a remote road surrounded by dense woods, their jubilation turns to terror as one by one each passenger begins to disappear in a violent fashion. Isolated and ten thousand miles from home, the tourists find themselves caught in the clutches of a malevolent force much more heinous than the local myth they set out to experience.

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‘Stop screaming, keep skating’

Murderdrome is a 2013 Australian action horror comedy directed by Daniel Armstrong and starring  Kat Anderson, Rachael Blackwood, and Jake Brown.

Plot teaser:

Roller Derby sensation Cherry Skye loves nothing better than competing in her favorite sport. When Skye catches Brad’s eye the sparks fly. Unfortunately, she also catches the attention of Brad’s ex, her Roller Derby nemesis Hell Grazer. If that isn’t bad enough, the heat generated by this romantic rivalry arouses a malevolent demon-spirit, hungry for human souls. Trapped between the wrath of Hell Grazer and damnation at the Gates of Hell, she has no option but to throw down and sort this mess out the only way she knows… on four small wheels.

Buy Murderdrome from Amazon.co.uk | Amazon.com

Reviews:

“Murderdrome is a bit all over the place but it’s a fun watch that doesn’t overstay its welcome. How much it’ll work for you will depend, at least in part, on your interest in the very concept itself: if you find the idea of roller girls fighting evil a winning one, check it out, you will likely be able to look past the flaws and enjoy this for what it is.” Rock! Shock! Pop!

“It’s 75 minutes of undemanding midnight movie fun, which looks good, has great music, some good gags, some good kills, and some quotable one-liners. And I doubt anyone who sees it will ever forget the term ‘duck butter.’” Brutal as Hell

“This mix of funny lines, exploitation kitsch and sub-culture setting almost guarantees that it will become a cult classic. It’s not a good movie in the slightest but given that the entire thing cost less to produce than the price of a family car, that’s to be expected. If you’re a roller derby junkie who likes dumb horror movies with a punk rock and horror aesthetic, or if you’re just looking for something to put on in the background after a successful bout then this is likely to make you giggle.” Starburst

” … this is a narrative light series of events involving substandard punk music, one dimensional characters, sloppy gore scenes and dialogue that you imagine director Daniel Armstrong thinks is Tarantinoesque but in fact is just trite, unconvincing nonsense delivered with flatness that is quite astonishing by the cast of non-actors (and predictably, the worse the actor, the more dialogue they get). It’s dismal entertainment, fails miserably as an exploitation film and drags on and on and on, going nowhere slowly.” David Flint, Strange Things Are Happening

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The Spanish Chainsaw Massacre – aka Carnivoros in Spanish – is a 2013 horror film directed by Manolito Motosierra and starring Nereida Lopez Vilaplana and Dani Mesado.

Plot teaser:

Las Pollas del Metal (The Metal Dicks), a heavy metal band, are on tour to promote their first album. On the road to Galicia, their van suffers a flat tyre and they have to stay overnight at the “Gutierrez’s town”, a small village located nowhere. Next day, the town is throwing a festival where its inhabitants celebrate the patron saint’s day. The Mayor invites the artists to join the celebration and they accept, without knowing a brutal danger awaits them…

 Buy The Spanish Chainsaw Massacre from Amazon.co.uk

Spanish trailer:

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Haunter is a 2013 Canadian supernatural horror film directed by Vincenzo Natali (Splice), written by Brian King, and starring Abigail Breslin, Peter Outerbridge, Michelle Nolden and Stephen McHattie. The film premiered at the 2013 South by Southwest Film Festival, and was picked up for U.S. distribution there by IFC Midnight.

Plot teaser:

15-year-old Lisa (Breslin) lives with her father Bruce (Peter Outerbridge), mother Carol (Michelle Nolden) and little brother Robbie (Peter DaCunha). However, she is the only one in her family who realises they are repeatedly living out the same day in 1985 – the day before her 16th birthday. As she investigates, she learns that she and her family were killed and and are trapped in the day of their death. She manages to make contact with Olivia (Eleanor Zichy), a girl from a family presently living in the house, who helps Lisa discover that previous occupants of her home have met a similar fate. Can Lisa find a way to put a stop to the murders in time to save Olivia and her family?

Buy Haunter on Blu-ray from Amazon.com | Amazon.co.uk

Reviews:

“As most ghost stories do, Haunter winds up becoming a murder mystery as well, and its creators carry off the combination smoothly and pay off both sets of expectations satisfyingly. There are a few good jolts along the way, though for the most part, Haunter aims and succeeds at keeping you caught up in its atmosphere and guessing, along with poor Lisa, about what will happen next and why.” Fangoria

“Vincenzo Natali’s films are always a pleasant surprise. The director tends to bring an enormous amount of depth and subtle visual pageantry to his films that we can easily acknowledge. Haunter is carefully constructed by Natali for audiences to absorb in an engaged and thought-provoking fashion.” Canadian Film Review

“Haunter is one of those films that I want to love. Its cast is great, its premise is solid, and its execution sturdy, but the result is less than the sum of its parts rather than greater than them. That’s not a terrible criticism, so fans of Breslin or McHattie will certainly want to check this film out, as will fans of Natali’s other films. Haunted house fans will especially find something to love in the slightly offbeat take on the genre.” DVD Verdict

Wikipedia | IMDb

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‘The experiment is real’

Malignant – working title: Black Butterflies – is a 2013 sci-fi horror film written and directed by Brian Avenet-Bradley (Free’z’er; Ghost of the Needle; Dark Remains). It stars Gary Cairns, horror icon Brad Dourif, Nick Nicotera and Sienna Farall.

Following a VOD outing, the film is being released on DVD in the US on February 17, 2015, courtesy of MVD Visual, that includes extras such as ‘Surgery for the Soul,’ an exclusive 38-minute documentary.

Plot teaser:

After the death of his wife, a grieving alcoholic (Gary Cairns) becomes the victim of a mad doctor (Brad Dourif) and his horrific twelve-step program to “cure” him…

Reviews:

“Unfortunately, the viewer would need to be as drunk as Cairns is for much of the film to miss the incongruity, implausibility, and inconsistency of the entire effort. A plan as elaborate as the one we are asked to believe would require an X-Files-esque government conspiracy, but we get a couple of guys working out of their garages, one of whom is Dourif. Maybe. The character allegedly being played by Dourif is seen from behind or in blurred focus or with a mask at least half the time he’s on screen. Then again, when we do see Dourif, his face looks like it’s been pumped with enough Botox for him to be a Real Housewife.” Meet Mr. Karma

“Brad Dourif steals the show in this one. He uses his voice, facial expressions, everything to execute a monstrous and slithery villain. Truly, he is of the Karloff/Lugosi/Carradine caliber—an old school ghoul of the highest degree … good, atmospheric camerawork, competent acting, grotesque, but sparing makeup effects, a creepy soundtrack. But because the screenplay neglects so much, Malignant comes off mediocre, and any suspense or emotional impact suffers for it.” Ross Peterson, HorrorNews.net

“Perhaps those more personally connected to themes of addiction struggles will find better reasons to engage with the metaphorical overtones. But above all else, “Malignant” is the partly quiet portrait of one man’s battle against grief through a realized nightmare scenario. And ultimately, the personalities providing the fulcrum are too weak to bear the weight of a moody character study burdened by this much underdeveloped psychological drama.” Culture Crypt

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Chimères (English: Chimeras) is a 2013 Swiss drama/horror film and the feature film directorial debut of Olivier Beguin, who co-wrote with Colin Vettier. It stars Jasna Kohoutova, Yannick Rosset and Catriona MacColl (City of the Living Dead; The Beyond; The Theatre Bizarre). Italian film director Ruggero Deodato (Cannibal Holocaust; House on the Edge of the Park; The Washing Machine) has a cameo role.

The film had its world premiere on July 5, 2013 at the Neuchâtel International Fantastic Film Festival, where it won a special mention for best feature film.

Plot teaser:

Alex (Yannick Rosset) and Livia (Jasna Kohoutova) are a young couple on vacation in Romania. Their trip is uneventful until Alex severely injures himself while drunk and requires a trip to the hospital. His injuries necessitates a blood transfusion and Alex initially seems like he will be fine.

However when he and Livia return home, Alex begins to develop strange new symptoms. He has an all new aversion to light, he is unable to eat anything, and develops insomnia. Alex and Livia initially believe this to be brain damage, but they soon discover the reality of the situation: that Alex is turning into a vampire.

Reviews:

“With its final minutes offering multiple gasps and an action-packed revenge sequence filled with blood, head-crushing and spine-ripping,Chimères’ arguably slow, over-edited start makes more sense compositionally as the movie reaches its violent crescendo. Well-written and acted Chimères is a balanced take on vampirism and the creatures’ ancient struggle with companionship and love.” Norberto Gomez Jr., Fangoria

“The technical side of things is where Chimères finds its strongest assets, with some impressive cinematography and lighting for the budget, and robust editing. Beyond that, however, is a shaky attempt at intimate connection that ultimately transforms into dolly shots of people being beaten to death. Ringing hollow in the end, Chimères is a respectable effort at doing something different with the genre…” Gareth Jones, Dread Central

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“Fans of the genre can probably guess that steak tartare is never going to satiate bloodlust, and there seems to be no bigger fan than Chimères director Olivier Beguin himself. In his first feature length film, Beguin plays ably with both genre conventions and the necessities of low-budget filmmaking. Rather than the usual focus on the hunger and the hunt, the film mines more intimate territory, examining how Alex’s transformation affects his relationship with Livia, and more intriguingly, his own sense of self.” Ben Croll, Twitch Film

Cast:

• Jasna Kohoutova as Livia
• Yannick Rosset as Alex
• Catriona MacColl as Michelle
• Ruggero Deodato as Butcher
• Paulo Dos Santos as Fred
• Derek Robin as Doctor

Wikipedia | IMDb

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House of the Witchdoctor is a 2013 American horror film directed by Devon Mikolas, his first feature film. It stars newer names such as Callie Stephens (When the Lights Go Out) and Summer Bills as well as actors who have appeared in many horror and genre films over the past few decades, in particular Dyanne Thorne (the Ilsa series, Blood Sabbath) and Bill Moseley (Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2; House of 1000 Corpses; The Devil’s Rejects). The plot sees a group of typical American teens offering consolation to their bereaved friend at her parent’s plush residence, only to find themselves stalked… and even worse.

Serial nutcase Cliff Rifton (Allan Kayser, Night of the Creeps) has been released from prison and immediately hooks up with his old sidekick, Buzz Schenk (David Willis), both of them eager to pick up where they left off and terrorise as many people as possibly whilst taking as many drugs as possible. After killing his mother, raping a drug dealer’s girlfriend and then torturing and murdering him, new opportunities are sought and their new target is white, middle-class Leslie Van Hooten (Stephens) and her four friends, who manage to evade them on their way to her parent’s well-appointed pad on the outskirts of town, primarily for them all to help her come to terms with the anniversary of the death of her boyfriend.

An unfortunate series of Last House on the Left-like coincidences lead the criminals to the Van Hooten residence, a stroke of luck they are unwilling to let pass. With her parents away (Mosely and Leslie Easterbrook from The Devil’s Rejects and many Police Academy films) the teens are terrorised by a distinctly 1970’s-style home invasion; rape, torture and dehumanisation all getting a run-out. Before the plot becomes too predictable, the parents return, accompanied by neighbours, Rose (Thorne) and  Emmett (Howard Maurer, Thorne’s real-life spouse and star of two Ilsa films himself, Tigress of Siberia and Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks), as well as assorted locals, all of whom are equipped with a wide array of garden tools and more traditional weapons.

Down in the basement of the house, true identities are revealed and voodoo wrong-doings require sacrifice and rites, volunteers both unwilling and otherwise already assembled. Will the local deities be appeased or will help arrive in time?

The home invasion angle of approach doesn’t really date and, if played correctly, is always an unnerving experience, the defiling of both body and property an eternally horrific thought. In this respect, the film doesn’t do a bad job, let down only by idiotic, dislikeable teens behaving in the most sickeningly forehead-slapping daft manner imaginable. The diabolical duo of Buzz and Cliff are played with eyeball-spinning glee and the enthusiasm and appalling satisfaction they gain from their crimes are demented and unhinged enough to be attributed by drugs and society – backstories are left to a minimum.

Do people still watch horror films just for nudity? Well, those who do won’t be disappointed, though Dyanne remains mercifully clothed. Her role is minimal, as is that of Mosely, despite the pivotal part he plays in the story. As such we are left with the curse of Rob Zombie – a parade of old faces, used poorly, to disguise flimsy plot under the guise of “I know my stuff, me!”. Though a twist is necessary in the film to prevent stale, though graphic sexually violent thrills, the notion of introducing voodoo and spell casting is so ridiculous that it feels like two half ideas half executed.

The net result is a film which would play well on late-night cable television, particularly for an audience with low expectations, low I.Q. and a penchant for low-necklines.

Daz Lawrence, Horrorpedia

Dracula: The Impaler is a 2013 American horror film directed by Derek Hockenbraugh from a screenplay he co-wrote with producers Diana Busuioc, Steve Snyder and Daniel Anghelcev.

It stars: Diana Busuioc, Teo Celigo, Christian Gehring, Christina Collard, Marcienne Dwyer, Katelynn Derengowski, Rocco Nugent, Mark Jacobson, Mindy Robinson, Gregory Lee Canyon, Vera Nova.

The Full Moon Films production is being distributed by Acort International.

Plot teaser:

Seven friends begin their Euro trip at the actual castle of Vlad the Impaler where he supposedly sold his soul to the devil over 500 years earlier, but the decrepit castle’s past envelopes them in a bloody ritual…

Buy on Safecracker Pictures DVD from Amazon.co.uk

Reviews:

” … the violence is weakly handled, the pacing slack, and the atmosphere/suspense pretty much nil. What starts at and stays on the lower echelon of B-movie horror mediocrity for quite some time finally clicks into gear — though it turns out that gear is the one that drives the pic straight off the cliff of unintentional camp hilarity. Performances get worse as the characters get more annoying in the throes of crisis…” Dennis Harvey, Variety

“The plot becomes so convoluted with reconstructed historical and spiritual mythology it gets difficult to tell whether the principal fault lies with Busuioc’s nonsensical script or director Derek Hockenbrough’s apparent inability to adequately light a scene or maintain a sense of continuity. Stock-image inserts, fake wolf howls and shoddy set construction would be much better suited to an Abbott and Costello-style spooky comedy parody, but these filmmakers take themselves way too seriously to attempt any intentional humor.” Justin Lowe, The Hollywood Reporter

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‘Toe Cutter – Thumb Buster’ is a 2013 song by San Francisco-based indie rock band Thee Oh Sees. It was the second single taken from their album Floating Coffin.

The violent and disconcerting music video for ‘Toe Cutter – Thumb Buster’ was directed by John Strong, who previously directed the video for the band’s “Lupine Dominus”. The video depicts a killer dragging a body to his car in a seemingly empty car park, only to be disturbed by a horrified witness…

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‘If you see him… run’

Mr. Jones is a 2013 horror thriller film and the feature film directorial debut of Karl Mueller, who also wrote the screenplay. It had its world debut on April 19, 2013 at the Tribeca Film Festival and was released on Blu-ray and DVD by Anchor Bay on May 2, 2014. It stars Jon Foster and Sarah Jones.

While filming, Mueller was inspired by director David Lynch and the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and wanted to design the film’s soundtrack to “make it feel like you’re under water, or in somebody’s head and they have a bad cold.”

He was also inspired by the memory of a neighbour of his during childhood in Minnesota, as the man had lived in a “primitive shack of a cabin with no running water, trapped animals and hung them up around the woods. He had lots of bizarre farming equipment overgrown by weeds around his house. He was the boogieman we made up stories about to scare ourselves at night.”

Plot teaser:

Penny (Sarah Jones) is on her way out to the woods to help her boyfriend Scott (Jon Foster) make a nature documentary. The two end up fighting, as Scott has not fully planned out his documentary and Penny had given up a good job to come help him. Things turn strange when one of Scott’s possessions is stolen, prompting the two to seek it out. They end up finding a cabin filled with various strange, weird artefacts and figures.

They eventually realise that the cabin is the home of Mr. Jones (Mark Steger), an elusive artist who sends his artwork to random people with no rhyme or reason. Scott investigates the mythology and rumours surrounding Mr. Jones with the intent to make him the subject of his next documentary, despite warnings that he stay far away from the man in question…

Reviews:

” … a thriller with a promising outsider-art premise that ultimately gets too wrapped up in mystical, reality-questioning headgames to tell a satisfying story. That failing and an annoying spin on the found-footage trope shouldn’t hurt much with genre auds, who will enjoy the distinctive atmosphere of this sometimes beautiful film.” John DeFore, The Hollywood Reporter

“But as beautiful and creatively shot as the first half of the movie is, Mr. Jones takes an unfortunate turn at around the halfway mark. Much of the handheld camera work becomes shakier as the characters are in situations where they need to run. And everything eventually breaks down into disjointed, dream-like, choppy scenes. Things become hard to follow and sometimes even hard to see. By the time I got to the final ten minutes, I had had enough of the ongoing trippy scenes and was absolutely ready for the end.”Scott Hallam, Dread Central

“Their encounters with the silent creepster, in and out of his subterranean lair, are spooky, but Mr. Jonesultimately warps into a self-absorbed ode to its own making. By film’s end, it implies through easy montage barfs of Scott’s unedited doc footage that the story’s boogeyman isn’t so much scaring Scott and Penny as the couple is scaring themselves by trying to unravel the mystery of his identity. Mueller asks us to look at his film as one might Mr. Jones’s art—to validate its authenticity using a barometer of fear.” Ed Gonzalez, Slant

“You can’t really dip into dream logic if you have nary a single eye-popping visual, and in doing so, Mueller completely wastes a unique, potentially durable concept: just imagine a hooded monster in the woods making a side-living as an avant-garde darling of the art world. The movie you’ve now visualized in your head is probably a good deal more interesting than Mr. Jones.” Gabe Toro, Indiewire

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“An assaulting, strobing, surreal sprint through the forest, Chris and Penny keep encountering frightening visions of themselves and each other; the strangeness on display specifically recalling Lynch in its colors and frightening duality. It’s also massively frustrating. The choppy, jerking style employed by Mueller becomes abrasive in the extended sequence, wrapping up with a possibility there might not be as much to chew on as all the spectacle would have you believe. If you are not turned off, however, a second viewing seems in order.” Samuel Zimmerman, Fangoria

Cast:

• Jon Foster as Scott
• Sarah Jones as Penny
• Mark Steger as Mr. Jones
• Faran Tahir as The Anthropologist
• Stanley B. Herman as The Old Journalist
• Ethan Sawyer as Alleged Scarecrow Recipient
• Jordan Byrne as Peter Cavagnaro
• David Clennon as The Curator
• Jessica Dowdeswell as Penny
• Diane Neal as The Scholar
• Rachel O’Meara as The Skeptic

Buy Mr. Jones on DVD | Blu-ray from Amazon.co.uk

Filming locations:

Santa Clarita, California

Wikipedia | IMDb

Army of Frankensteins is a 2013 US horror film produced, edited, written and directed by Ryan Bellgardt.

The film stars John Ferguson, Jordan Farris, Christian Bellgardt, Lucas Ross, Rett Terrell and  Raychelle McDonald.

It should not be confused with Richard Raaphorst’s 2013 movie Frankenstein’s Army.

Plot teaser:

“After a failed attempt to propose to his girlfriend, Alan Jones is beaten to within an inch of his life by a street gang and taken to a mysterious lab where Dr. Tanner Finski and his kid genius assistant perform horrible experiments on him hoping to re-animate a Frankenstein. The experiments lead to a hole being ripped in space and time, manifesting an army of Frankensteins from hundreds of parallel universes and sending them all back to the 19th century, directly into the heart of a bloody battle between the North and South.”

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